Monday, October 26, 2020
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The Brown Noser

Couple In Drug Commercial Probably Wouldn't Be Smiling On Tandem Bike If They Could Hear Side Effects

Published Friday, September 25th, 2020

Sources report that the couple seen in a recent ad for Zorgyal, an anti-aging face cream, would probably not be enjoying their tandem bike if they could hear the side effects being narrated as they ride.

“Common side effects may include moderate-to-severe gastrointestinal distress, internal bleeding, or even death,” stated a deep voiceover as the foolish couple laughed together in slow motion, clearly unaware of the horrors they were advertising on their carefree bike ride. “Talk to your doctor if you have difficulty sleeping, urinating, and breathing while taking Zorgyal.”

“Fifteen patients in a thirty person study developed sudden and severe lactose intolerance after taking Zorgyal,” continued the voice as the poor, naive pair ended their date with an ice cream cone. “Avoid physical activity and direct exposure to sunlight.”

As the ad closed, the couple’s death sentence was backed by the sweet rhythm of Rusted Root’s “Send Me On My Way.”

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