Sunday, December 17, 2017
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The Brown Noser

E.P.A.’s Scott Pruitt Doesn’t Believe in Climate Change Because the Climate Never Believed in Him

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

At a recent press briefing, Scott Pruitt, Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, announced that the climate never believed in him, so he won’t be acknowledging the climate any time soon.

“When I was a kid," Pruitt lamented, "I wanted a White Christmas and I never got it. At my senior baseball game at University of Kentucky, it was drizzling all day. Nobody showed up. My wedding day? Hail. The climate never supported me so how can I be expected to support it? The climate never even apologized.”

At the press conference, Pruitt recounted other past events with the climate and got increasingly choked up. “Climate change is not real. Climate change is not real. The climate is so, so fake,” Pruitt exclaimed.

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