Sunday, December 17, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Entire Civilization, With Its Own Economy and Racial Tensions, Exists Within Snow Globe

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

Sources report that Hallmark’s innovative new holiday snow globe encloses an entire miniature civilization, replete with its own economy and racial tensions. The ornament, which houses little fairies and dwarves, is small enough to be hung from a Christmas tree but powerful enough to facilitate internal conflict.

“Within each of these snowglobes is a miniature town with a post office, bank, and school all decorated for the holiday season,” explained Hallmark CEO Jane Harrington. "But the life-like detail goes beyond that. The town runs on its own self-contained economy and, due to a minor glitch, the town is completely caught up in detrimental, long-standing racial tensions.”

Most customers have been impressed by the technical detail and power output, but some have expressed concern over the micro-structural racism.

“It’s cool that the tiny fairy and dwarf town produces energy through its solar-power-based economy” explained Donna Hall, who bought the snow globe to liven up her living room. “But sometimes I see teeny tiny dwarf protests in the cute snowy little streets and it can get pretty loud at night. One time, there was a strike to protest income disparity and none of the snow globe lights would light up anymore.”

At press time, Hallmark issued a recall.

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