Reports confirmed Wednesday that everyone featured in a free pamphlet on sexually transmitted infections appeared to be very good-looking. Chelsea Snippet, who was reading the pamphlet during freshman orientation, says she was surprised by the above-average appearance of the infected humans pictured. “Thirteen percent of all college students contract HPV while—wow, these people are hot!” Snippet said, holding the pamphlet aloft and gesturing to the room. “I’d have sex with these people. Sign me up!”

Health administrators fear the choice of super sexy models for the pamphlet confuses its message. “What is this, a sex pamphlet?” said Chad Hunter, another student at orientation, whose gaze flitted over facts on genital warts to fall on the arresting image of a beautiful human. “These people are so sexy! I don’t care what they have, I just want to have sex with them right now!”

“Is this what college is like?" Hunter added. "Will I have sex with these people?”

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