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The Brown Noser

Freshman Boastfully Recounts All Three Of His High School Alcohol Stories Like There’s Plenty More

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019

Boastfully recalling his nights of heavy drinking before college, freshman Stewart Dent reportedly rattled off all three of his high school alcohol stories like there’s plenty more.

“Yeah, I hate throwing up,” Dent claimed, based on his single experience of vomiting during his senior year of high school. “Never want to do that again.”

“The most I’ve ever had was 6 shots,” Dent bragged, referring to the same party at which he vomited. “It was a blast!”

At press time, Dent was bragging about his wild weekend to some friends as if he hadn’t spent the night cradling a single beer in Metcalf basement.

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