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According to a recent report, your friend with a slight cough is perfectly fine as long as they don’t speak, breathe, or move.
“Don’t (cough) even (cough) worry (cough) about it, (cough) I’m totally fine,” said junior Julia Kim, slowly turning blue while holding back another cough. “As (cough) long as I (cough) avoid doing (cough) anything (cough) necessary for me to (cough) live, I’m (cough)—”
“I’ve never (cough) been more (cough) well,” said Kim, who had to take a break midway through her sentence to stop coughing. “I actually (cough) feel so (cough) much better (cough) now.”
At press time, your friend with a sprained ankle is perfectly fine as long as they don’t run, walk, or stand up.
