Calling the specimen “sick as hell,” geologists at UC Berkley have announced that they found a really cool rock by the lake. “You gotta see this fucking rock, guys,” said lead geological researcher Dr. Thomas Goodwin. “I was hanging out by the lake when I saw something shiny in the sand, and it was this rock. I was like whoa this rock is cool as fuck. So I took it home and showed my roommates, and they were like holy shit what a dope rock. Wait, how high do you guys think I could throw this thing?” At press time, the nation’s top entomologists announced there was a gross bug in the bathroom.

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