Folding up a disgusting table to make room for even more disgusting folding chairs, Jefferson Prep principal Margaret Olsen transformed the gross middle school cafeteria into a filthy middle school auditorium sources reported Tuesday. “Ideally an auditorium wouldn’t be this sticky,” said Olsen, trying to get the dust out of the clearly unsalvageable curtains hanging at the back of the stage that also serves as the area for all the kids to set their lunch boxes before recess. “But when it has to serve double duty as a cafeteria, that’s just the price you pay. It wouldn’t be lunch time for the seventh graders if they didn’t have to listen to all the sixth graders who have music that period singing a bad version ‘Time Of Your Life’ by Green Day.” At press time, Jefferson Prep’s production of Fiddler On The Roof was being drowned out by the hum of the refrigerator.

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