Sunday, April 5, 2020
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The Brown Noser

Guilty Environmental Scientist Just A Little Bit Grateful For Global Warming On This Beautiful, Warm, Winter Day

Published Friday, March 8th, 2019

In a recent interview about the earth’s changing climate, Dr. Henry Carther, environmental scientist and activist, remarked somewhat guiltily that he was just a little bit grateful for global warming on this beautiful, warm, winter day.

“The sun is out and the birds are chirping," Dr. Carther smiled. "I can walk around in just a sweater… it’s just nice. Puts me in a good mood.”

“We’re experiencing a terrifying global ecological collapse,” he continued, "But it is SO nice to not have to wear a jacket. I mean I haven’t been able to sit outside and read for like, four months!”

“I’m not saying that I’m happy about global warming but I’m not not saying that I’m not not happy about it either,” Carther said. “I guess it’s just like, we should enjoy the lovely weather that comes with this irreparable, planet-scale destruction. Take the good with the bad.”

“All I know is that it’s the perfect day to drink iced coffee,” Carther shrugged, taking a sip out of his plastic straw.

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