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After fighting the urge to taste the oh-so-savory taste of the glowing crystal salt lamp on his roommate’s bedside table for as long as he could, reports indicate that sophomore Tom Davis licked that Himalayan salt lamp.
“I just couldn’t help myself,” said Davis, the mysterious rock, which in any other context would have elicited a reverence strong enough to start entire religions, just kind of sitting on the table, beckoning him to take a lick. “I was completely transfixed, I knew then and there I was going to lick it.”
“Can I lick that lamp?” asked Davis, finally surrendering to his carnal desires after staring at the lamp yearningly for 20 minutes. “You know what, I’m just going to take a little nibble.”
At press time, the student asked to have a baby carrot out of the palm of their friend’s flat open hand.
