Owen Wilson just took another shit on my porch, and if he wants me to start watching more of his movies, he might consider stopping doing that. Look, everyone’s talking about all these Owen Wilson movies I need to see, but I’m not gonna start watching them until he stops sneaking onto my porch in the middle of the night and quietly pooping on my doorstep and I’m not afraid to say it. I hope he hears me. If I see him, I’m gonna say something. Owen, I’ve had enough. You’ve gone and lost a potential fan, and I hope you know that. If you don’t stop jumping over my fence with a butt full of poop and letting loose on my freshly re-varnished patio, I swear to god I’m gonna stop watching your movies, even the new ones. At press time, I just couldn’t resist. Wedding Crashers is just too timeless!

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