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The Brown Noser

IAPA Friend Won’t Stop Calling Electoral Politics “The Real Pandemic”

Published Friday, February 16th, 2024

According to your IAPA friend Nate Kellogg, electoral politics are the real pandemic our nation is facing today.

“What the media calls a ‘pandemic’, such as COVID-19, is no more than a symptom of our fractured electoral system, which is the real pandemic,” Kellogg explained, reiterating for the hundredth time that day how electoral politics present a far greater existential threat than a simple airborne pathogen. “We need to flatten the curve between the left and the right – otherwise there’s no way to stop this thing.”

“The intense polarization between America’s two major political parties is more than a structural inefficiency – it’s a disease,” Kellogg added, pointing out the inefficacy of traditional pandemic-prevention measures, such as masks and vaccines, against a virus that is purely ideological. “Democratic voters won’t even talk to Republican voters anymore, and vice versa – and if that’s not social distancing, I don’t know what is.”

At press time, Kellogg stated that “the real climate crisis” is the partisan climate created by the mainstream media and its influence on honest political discourse.

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