Partly Cloudy, 64°
In a stunning report by Vox this past week, the index finger was totally the Beyoncé of the hand.
“Yeah, Index Finger has been acting kinda high and mighty lately,” confessed the Ring Finger as they gossipped with Thumb. “And it’s like, yeah, obviously you’re a star, but the rest of us are right here! We do a lot. Like, it’s called the Hand, not Index Finger and four talentless losers. Index Finger just always has to outshine us, what a diva.”
“Honestly, tensions are high, and you know Middle Finger has a really short temper,” Ring Finger continued as Index Finger studied their finely clipped nail in the mirror. “I think there’s gonna be a big fight soon if Index Finger doesn’t start acting like a team player.”
“Rings get really heavy sometimes, but you don’t hear me bragging about it,” Ring Finger exclaimed as Middle Finger started to pick a fight with Index Finger. “Honestly, we should probably just split up at this point. I bet all of us would have great solo careers, not just Index Finger.”
At press time, George Washington was totally the Harry Styles of Founding Fathers.
