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The Brown Noser

Little League Free Agent Wooed By Promise Of Team Pizza Party At End Of The Year

Published Friday, April 21st, 2017

Sources close to third grader Tyler Jones report that it was ultimately the promise of a team pizza party at the end of the year that got the Little League free agent to join The Robins of the Newport Youth Little League.

“A lot of coaches have had their eye on him ever since he was just an up-and-comer in the local tee ball leagues,” said Mr. Jarvis, The Robin’s head coach, explaining that he’s been scouting him ever since. “But he’s been with The Jays since first grade. We lucked out this season because his dad stopped coaching The Jays and he’s on the market for a new team.”

Jarvis went on to explain that what really sets Tyler apart is his ability to throw the ball all the way between bases without any bounce. He believes that that strong of an arm will become especially important to The Robins next year when they reach a level where the coaches aren’t the ones pitching.

Ever since news of Tyler being a free agent broke, coaches have been sending in their sons as middlemen to present their team’s offers: socks with the team’s logo on it, a pair of batting gloves, and trips to the concession stand after practice. The Cardinals were reprimanded by the League after they illegally promised Tyler a trip to Harry Potter World in Orlando. Ultimately, The Robin’s promise of a team pizza party at the end of the year edged out The Hawk’s offer of a pack of Big League Chew before every game.

“I love pizza,” said Tyler, who boasts a batting average of .260 and isn’t afraid of sliding into bases. “Mr. Jarvis is a really good coach and I’m sure this decision will make me a better player. But more than that, I’m excited for the pizza party. Mr. Jarvis said I’ll be able to get any kind I want.”

At press time, Tyler was regretting his decision after finding out a kid on The Hawks could have taught him how to eat sunflower seeds.

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