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The Brown Noser

Medieval Monk Drawing Baby Jesus Clearly Never Saw A Baby Before

Published Friday, March 15th, 2024

Tasked with depicting the Madonna and Child, Monk Bartholow’s drawing is making it obvious that he has never seen a baby before in his entire life.

“I have seen so many children,” insisted Bartholow while shading baby Jesus’ swole six pack in a misguided effort to make a more realistic looking infant. “Just last fortnight, I met the swineherder’s baby from the neighboring fiefdom.”

“It’s almost scary how many infants I’ve seen,” added Bartholow, despite his sketches indicating both a loose grasp on the concept of children in general and also a belief in a Benjamin Button model of aging, where people are born as fully formed, ugly, elderly people. “Thanks to God’s gracious will, I am blessed with having seen so many children that I can draw them accurately and beautifully.”

At press time a sculptor of tribute statues has seen many images of their subject, they just lack talent.

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