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The Brown Noser

NFL Player Plans To Use Offseason To Rest Up And Recover From Debilitating Brain Injury

Published Friday, March 11th, 2016

Saying that he was looking forward to the summer months in particular, Houston Texans quarterback Brian Hoyer reportedly plans to use the offseason to rest his body and recover from the horrible brain injuries he sustained over the course of the season. Hoyer plans to take a few weeks off before he begins his offseason workout program, saying that he figures that’ll be enough to let the bruises heal and halt his memory’s inexorable decay.

“It’s a tough game, and there’s going to be contact,” said Hoyer, who suffered concussions in games against the Cincinnati Bengals and the New England Patriots when he was thrown headfirst into the turf by several 250+ pound defensive ends. “That’s why we have so much time off. Come September I’ll be fresh and my neural networks will have rebuilt themselves. I just want to come back stronger and less likely to gradually develop a degenerative brain disease that will ruin my life.”

“Brian played well for us all season,” said Texans head coach Bill O’Brien of the quarterback, who was held out for five games while he went through the league’s mandated concussion protocol. “As long as he still has the capacity to understand the playbook and remember his own and his teammate’s names by the time we get to OTAs, we’d love to have him back.”

Analysts like what they're seeing from Hoyer recently, saying that his arm strength looks good and that the irreparable damage he's done to his brain shouldn't manifest in his game for at least another couple seasons. "[Hoyer] may start to have trouble maintaining relationships and fall into a deep depression long before his concussion-based injuries start to affect the way he plays," said ESPN writer Tania Ganguli. "So don't be surprised if he finds his way onto a contender in these next few seasons, Texans or otherwise."

The 30-year old Hoyer said in an ideal world he’d like to play another five years in the league and then looked forward spending the last ten years of his life with his wife and kids.

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