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The Brown Noser

Report: Everyone With “Swell” Water Bottles A Little Too Into Them

Published Friday, April 21st, 2017

Explaining that they aren’t that great, a report released by Stanford University confirms that everyone who has a “Swell” water bottle is a little too into it.

In preparing the report, researchers spoke to hundreds of users of the product, finding that they were all just as annoying about it as you would expect. “My Swell water bottle keeps liquids hot and cold,” said Dean Meyers, as quoted in the report, thoroughly explaining a feature common to most bottles and thermoses. “Aside from that, it’s just a cool design. I got mine in white, but there’s lots of really great colors. Like blue, red, black. You name it.”

Meyers went on to state that he had actually purchased a Swell water bottle before they became widely popular. He explained that their popularity didn’t make him like the bottle any less, he just wanted it to be clear that he had owned one before most people.

The report concluded that despite the fact that the thirty-five dollar bottle is difficult to clean, and dents extremely easily, it’s still a good gift to get your friend who’s into trendy bullshit.

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