Sunday, December 17, 2017
Partly Cloudy icon Partly Cloudy, 64°

The Brown Noser

REPORT: Oh No, Everyone’s Starting To Get Chapped Little Lips

Published Friday, December 1st, 2017

In a forecast made last Sunday, the National Center of Atmospheric Research reported that, oh no, everyone’s starting to get chapped little lips.

“Yikes,” said Dana Shultz, head of the Center’s research division, “Everyone’s lips get so dry in this weather. We see it happen every year. Our little lips just don’t stand a chance against this chill combined with this wind.”

“Uh oh, everyone’s lips are already drying out,” continued Schultz, explaining that it would only take a few more cold days until everyone’s lips became fully chapped. “The best we can do is just hope they don’t get all cracked and flaky. We recommend bringing around a tiny, little travel size chapstick everywhere you go.”

At press time, everyone was licking their thirsty little lips for some temporary relief.

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