ResLife has reportedly assigned a group of four roommates to a single bed they share like the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
“I knew we were in trouble when we were put into late assignment,” stated Tyler García ’23 as he opened his door, revealing an iron-framed bed in the middle of the room. “I didn’t realize one bed was an option for four people.”
“I’ve heard of Brown converting doubles into triples, and I thought that was the worst-case scenario,” said García as he tried to get into bed without waking his roommates. “Boy, was I wrong. They even make us sleep under one thin, raggedy sheet. It could be worse, though. At least ResLife provided us with old-fashioned sleeping caps and nightshirts for free.”
Upon receiving a good grade on his latest paper, one of García’s roommates leapt out of bed and danced around, marking the first time he’d left the bed all week.