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Claiming he wants to make his room feel more welcoming, junior Craig Rollins bought a tiny potted cactus for his absolute shithole of a room.
“It’s nice to have something beautiful and alive in my room,” said Rollins, completely ignoring the fact that the rest of his room is covered in piles of unfolded clothes and dirty dishes.
“It’s also nice to have something to care for,” he continued, surrounded by old containers of take out food and loose papers.
“I’m responsible for this living thing, and I don’t take that responsibility lightly,” said Rollins, who only has to water the cactus once every two weeks and usually forgets to do it.
At press time, Rollins was buying a goldfish.
