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The Brown Noser

Student Hoping Thesaurus.com Will Spruce Up Sad Essay

Published Friday, April 9th, 2021

As he worked to complete his paper for ENGL 0346, junior Christopher Pfeiffer was hoping that Thesaurus.com would spruce up his sad, sad essay.

“Perhaps I can exchange ‘important’ for ‘paramount’,” Pfeiffer wondered, scratching his head and staring forlornly at his very dry essay. “Or maybe I can really keep them enthralled with ‘exigent’? That might be good, right?”

“The conclusion needs some work too,” continued Pfeiffer, frowning at his underwhelming, three-sentence summation. “Maybe, just maybe — hear me out — I could swap ‘finally’ with ‘Ultimately’? Well… I guess I could if I hadn’t used it at the end of my paragraph, dammit!”

At press time, Pfeiffer was hoping to make things a bit fancier by changing the text from size 11 Arial to size 12 Garamond.

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