Partly Cloudy, 64°
Less than a year after first appearing on Thayer Street with little to no explanation about its mysterious arrival, Toledo and its rarely-heralded pizza cones returned yesterday to the stark, parched hellscape from which they came. Richard Earthman, owner and proprietor of the establishment, activated his lower blast shields, engaged warp speed and told onlookers he plans to hand in his final rent check by Nov. 15 at the latest.
“Our work here is done,” claimed Earthman as he scratched his scaly gray tendrils with some form of cooling laser. Earthman, which is definitely a fake alien name, then served a straggler who evidently was in the bathroom when the restaurant took off. The terrified stowaway purchased a “Meat Cone,” which inexplicably still cost seven earth dollars, despite the complete uselessness of earth dollars in space.
