Tuesday, October 19, 2021
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The Brown Noser

Vaccinations May First Become Widely Available May First, First May Go Forth May Second, Second May Second First May Fourth

Published Friday, April 9th, 2021

In a recent address to the American people, President Joe Biden announced that COVID-19 vaccinations may first become widely available on May First, with first doses going forth on the second and second doses seconding the first on the fourth.

“The first of May may be the first day on which vaccines go forth, but only thirty thousand will be forthcoming at first,” said Biden in his address. “The first vaccines will be seconded by a shipment on the third, a third shipment on the fourth, and a forthcoming fourth coming the thirty-first.”

“First and foremost, the first four most at-risk groups should march forth to their local CVS before the thirty-first of April,” said Biden augustly on March 12. “First, first responders. Second, third-trimester pregnant women. Third, eighth grade teachers. Fourth, fifth-year medical students. Look, if this is a football game, it’s fourth and ten in the third quarter. Got it?”

At press time, Biden was asking Americans to stay six feet apart in groups of less than ten on July Fourth.

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