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The Brown Noser

We Need More Women-Empowering Comedy So From Now On I Will Only Write Headlines About Bras

Published Friday, September 13th, 2019

I’ll be the first to say it: it’s not easy to be a woman in comedy. A longtime “boys’ club,” writers’ rooms across this country are in desperate need of material that actively includes and empowers women. As a woman in comedy myself, I feel an urgent responsibility to bring this initiative to my own work at The Brown Noser, which brings me to the following declaration: From now on, I will only write headlines about bras.

Tina Fey. Kristen Wiig. Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer. These are all inspiring women who have, at one point or another, made a joke about bras. I am also going to start making jokes about bras, and nothing else. I’ll have every man in this country rethinking the sentiment “Women aren’t funny” after I bombard them with my highly-specific, feminist satire that is only about bras.

What better way to empower women through satire than to highlight something that so many of us experience: bras? Subverting this facet of the female experience into something to laugh at is a very important task—so important that it’s literally all I will do satire-wise until I graduate in 2021. Seriously. It’s bra content as far as the eye can see, folks.

I’m thrilled to report that I have started stockpiling bra headlines to last me through my next two years at The Noser. The growing list includes such sure-fire hits as “Asshole Strapless Bra Gonna Head On Down To Torso,” “Underwire Just Itching To Escape,” and “Victoria’s Secret Offers Semi-Semi-Semi-Semi Annual Sale Every Two Days Now.” And, hey, I’m no hero. Just a funny lady trying to make jokes about bras.

Look, I get it. Maybe not everyone wants to read jokes about bras. Maybe this is a little awkward. But we can’t break the glass ceiling unless we push the envelope, and for me that means creating an endless stream of bra-related, Onion-style fake news headlines to be published in The Brown Noser until my tenure here is done.

With all this in mind, I know what you’re going to ask: will I also write headlines about tampons? The answer is no. Only bras. I thought I made that clear.

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