Thursday, July 19, 2018
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The Brown Noser

Why Do Brown Bears Admirers Posts Keep Getting My Height, Hair, Location, Ethnicity, Clothes, and Name Wrong?

Published Friday, March 9th, 2018

Come on guys. It’s not that hard. I’m not going to going to pay attention to your BBA posts if you can’t get basic facts about my height, hair, location, ethnicity, clothes, and name correct.

Adoration can be difficult to express in words. I understand that, truly. I don’t doubt that my empathetic nature was among those qualities which drew you to me in the first place. But to describe me as a “cute short Asian girl with pink highlights wearing yoga pants in the sci-li last night”, is, frankly, incorrect.

I read that post about the “hot 6’4 guy with brown hair and tattoos with a septum piercing making sandwiches at the blue room”. Well, I appreciate the sentiment, but the execution is disappointing, and I’m never at the Blue Room. I know you were talking about me. Who else? But in the light you mistook my blond for more of a brown and overestimated my height by over a foot or so and mixed up where you were. You’ll have to do better than that if you want my attention.

I get that you don’t want your posts to be too obvious. You don’t want it to go to my head, so you’ve been throwing me a few curveballs to throw me off the scent. That’s fine. But it would be helpful it you got even a single detail about me right at one point, instead of writing “yams in the Ratty appreciation post.” It will take a little more than lovingly intentioned but wildly inaccurate descriptions of me if you want to please these dungarees.

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