Partly Cloudy, 64°
Students unwilling to man up and give it to her proper can now get their precious condoms from a machine that won't judge them for the chump they are.
"This is a big step for sexual education here at Brown," said some dumb cunt who needs to quit blathering and take the pill. Some claim that protection from disease is enough to merit the use of an appalling latex sheath.
"Countless studies show that prophylactics greatly reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infection," said one expert.
"Yeah, well my studies show they feel like shit," countered my huge dick.
Other students have opinions that are correct.
"Condoms?! What is this, the feudal system?" said Feudal System Studies concentrator Jake McGlabben '10. "It's like the machine's been put here by some sort of...feudal lord, practicing some sort of...feudalism...if you will."
Health Services has encouraged the sexually active to think of the machine as a giant, condom-dispensing robot.
"You want me to cover my rod in what?" said grade-A stud Troy as he blew his fat load for the win.
Condoms will be available from the machine until I unplug it, load it onto a flatbed truck, and dump it in the Saugatucket River.
