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The Brown Noser

Off Campus (Apr 24 2009 issue)

Tree Hugger Frustrated by Cactus | Apr 24 2009

David Schmitt '11 has always been passionate about protecting the environment, but the self-labeled tree-hugger has been discouraged recently. Although he frequently displays his fondness for foliage by wrapping his arms around their trunks and pressing his cheek softly against their woody exteriors, his latest enthusiastic embraces have been thwarted - by a cactus.

Catholic Church Condemns Googling Yourself as a Sin | Apr 24 2009

Some people do it every now and then. Some do it multiple times a day. Some are simply addicted. But regardless of how often you do it, the Catholic church wants you to stop it. Googling yourself, a longstanding pastime since Google's launch in 1998, is just as wrong in the Catholics' eyes as murder, adultery and wearing non-silly hats, according to Pope Benedict XVI.

President Obama Talks Budget, Dances on Treadmills in Weekly Youtube Address | Apr 24 2009

On Saturday, President Barack Obama held his weekly YouTube address to the nation, attempting to reach out to America's youth through one of the most popular channels available. "At this historic juncture, the American people are watching and waiting for us to lead," said Obama as he hopped back and forth on a series of treadmills while setting off a chain reaction of Diet Coke and Mentos.

Student Disappointed by Lack of Seductive Content in Class on Game Theory | Apr 24 2009

URI Student Jeremy "Ladies" Mann was dismayed to discover that his class in game theory was not, in fact, designed to teach him how to better talk to girls in a manner that would lead to sexual intercourse. After falsely assuming that the economics class was about spitting game, Mann was left confused and unsure about his future.

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