Let me give you a little unsolicited advice. A true gentleman never spies on a girl in the shower and then goes blabbing about it to all his friends. Being a gentleman is all about respect. So come on, have some respect.
I know you’re new to this.
POINT: Hey, what’s up?
Hey! Patrick! Hey man, what’s up? It’s so great to see you, man, it’s been forever. I mean, I saw you at that party on Williams last Friday, but you seemed to be pretty busy with Brianna, you know what I mean? Ha ha ha.
Well, hi there. Long time no see. How are you? It sounds like you had quite the summer. I can’t even imagine how tired you must have been at the end of a long, hard day pushing papers and padding your resume. It must have been really cozy in that full-size Tempur-Pedic bed of yours, am I right?
Hey now, you have no reason to look at me like that, okay? My internship was just like everyone else’s summer internship, I swear I’m not trying to brag. I, just like you, just like Mark, and just like every other shoe-licking intern on the planet, was stuck doing the menial labor that no one else in our respective companies wanted to do.
With the recent transfer of power from Ruth Simmons to Christina Paxson, many people are wondering whether or not the Brown community will take to the university’s new president. Though Paxson seems both qualified and ready to lead, she can’t avoid the question on everyone’s minds: Is Brown really ready for a white president?
The real issue here is that Paxson’s election goes against everything we once stood for.
Sad, isn’t it? That beautiful building burning to the ground. And all those poor folks, standing in the cold night air after losing their homes in that dastardly fire. What a shame. See the grim look on their faces? That’s the look of someone who wishes they could have done something; the look of an emasculated man wanting to protect his family from crazy happenstances such as this.
Now that we are all in costume, I need everyone to take his or her position in the conference room. You should stretch first if your part requires anything acrobatic. The PA system is set and ready to go, and Jerry is burning a CD with all our songs on it as we speak.