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Let me give you a little unsolicited advice. A true gentleman never spies on a girl in the shower and then goes blabbing about it to all his friends. Being a gentleman is all about respect. So come on, have some respect.
I know you’re new to this. You’re not sure how the complicated game of romance is supposed to play out. Well listen, because I’ve seen a lot more girls naked than you or they know about. I once spent thirty hours stuck in the rafters of a cabin at Camp Willowhawk. I would have loved to tell all my buddies about the things I’d seen, but you know what? I just kept my mouth shut and told everyone I’d gotten lost on the ladybug trail. The goddamned ladybug trail. That was embarrassing. But do you know why I did that? Because I’m a gentleman, that’s why.
Let’s remember that gentlemanly shower-spying is discreet and dignified. You’ve done a great job with the dress-code, especially considering how cramped the vents in the gym are without a top hat on. Your monocle etiquette is on-point, and we could all learn something about manners from the way you held that vent screen open for Brian the other day. You clearly have a lot of respect for your fellow gentlemen and the girls we’re spying on. That’s why it’s so important that you remain tight-lipped about this.
After all, the time you spend spying on a girl in the shower is special. Remember that sacred moment when student health services put up posters in all the bathrooms about how to perform self-breast exams? Moments like these are ones you’ll remember for the rest of your life. Do you really want to corrupt those pure memories with silly gossip?
You seem to have momentarily forgotten that being a gentleman is about having the utmost respect for women. Do you think the girl in your bio class really wants everyone to find out about that huge, disturbing scar on her back? Of course not! That’s something better kept between her, her boyfriend, and you. If you really respect a woman, you’ll keep these sweet moments between us. And remember, it’s your turn to bring the Cognac next time.
