As president, one of my important jobs is to listen. Every decision I make is informed by the voices of the student body. I know some have claimed that I’ve been actively ignoring student voices ever since I took office, but the truth is that I respect and value the opinion of every single student, with 6000 exceptions, give or take.
Hi, guys. I know fans of “Breaking Bad” are sad about the show ending, and I am too. “Breaking Bad” was a defining moment in my career and my life. But it’s over now, and we all have to move on.
Which is why I’m pleased to announce that I actually have a brand new idea for a show.
Alright guys, thanks for being patient. I took a couple months to get my thoughts in order about the birth of Prince William and Catherine’s baby. The “royal baby,” if you will. I didn’t want to just jump out here and start saying stuff without backing it up, you know?
Things like this are tough.
As head of one of the largest and most powerful intelligence agencies in the world, I understand better than anyone the outrage people have expressed following revelations regarding our mass surveillance of American citizens. I totally get it. It sounds messed up! But the truth is—and I really, really didn’t want to have to reveal this—we’ve been collecting all this information for an amazing surprise birthday collage for the American people and you ruined it.
Let’s get one thing straight, Jerry. I know my mom loves you and I’m supposed to see you as my new dad. But you’ll never replace him. You can’t. You’ll never be half the man my father was, Jerry. That’s because my father had three bodies.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
