The Brown Noser

Science & Technology (Dec 06 2019 issue)

Biology Textbook Chapter Almost Forgets To Mention Sickle Cell Anemia | Dec 06 2019

A recently-published biology textbook chapter nearly forgot to mention sickle cell anemia, student Naomi Ford reports. “When I was about halfway through Chapter 23 I started to sense that something was wrong,” Ford explained. “It wasn’t until I’d read through three-quarters of the chapter without seeing a single reference to the abnormally-shaped red blood cells that I doubled back to look for the crucial page — or pages — I’d skipped.

Tadpole Blissfully Unaware Of Brutish Monster It Will One Day Become | Dec 06 2019

According to a recent announcement by ecologist Sienna Grantenhooper, tadpoles are blissfully unaware of the brutish monsters they will one day become. “Tadpoles grow up completely oblivious to the fact that they will one day become frogs,” said Grantenhooper, watching a tadpole carelessly dart through some seaweed.

Surgeon Regrets Putting On Hand Lotion Before Going To Work | Dec 06 2019

Dr. Luther P. Ross, a prominent brain surgeon in the area, realized during a procedure this Tuesday that applying Twisted Peppermint scented hand lotion before heading into surgery had been a poor choice. “Does anyone want some of this?” Dr. Ross said to his team of surgeons, offering to wipe his extra lotion on their forearms.

FDA Double Dog Dares Nation To Eat The Silica Gel Packet | Dec 06 2019

In a press conference yesterday, the Food and Drug Administration formally double dog dared American consumers to eat the silica gel packet. “You know that weird little sack of beads you sometimes find in your crunchy snacks, new shoes, and pill bottles, marked with DO NOT EAT on the packet?” asked FDA commissioner Mark Whittaker with a grin, wide eyes, and a posse of fellow FDA board members loudly agreeing with him.

Boston Accent Voted Sexiest Accent In Eastern Massachusetts | Dec 06 2019