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The Brown Noser

Science & Technology (Nov 02 2012 issue)

Grandpa Would Still Be Alive If You Were a Child Prodigy Who Cured Dementia | Nov 02 2012

Doctors announced yesterday that your Grandpa Pat would still be alive and looking after you if you had been a brilliant young biologist and cured the disease that destroyed his life.

Scientists Find Genetic Basis for Searching for Reason and Order Where There is None | Nov 02 2012

In a paper published in this week’s issue of “Science,” Harvard University geneticist Dr. Robert Rothschild identified within the reams of uninterpretable data that constitute the human genome a basis for searching for reason and order in a universe where there is barely any at all.

National Climate Data Center Discreetly Encourages Children to Play “Floor is Lava” | Nov 02 2012

In a report from the National Climate Data Center (NCDC) released yesterday, climate scientists suggest Americans reduce carbon emissions as well as possibly encourage their children to play high stakes games of “floor is lava,” for no reason in particular.

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