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The Brown Noser

Science & Technology (Sep 05 2014 issue)

FDA Approves Drug For People Who Just Like Having A Little Routine In The Morning | Sep 05 2014

The Food and Drug Administration recently approved a pill to help people who just like to have a little routine when they get up in the morning. The pill is being marketed under the name Routiplen and will be available over the counter for consumers who suffer from not having a thing they do every day when they wake up.

Apple Unveils New Status Symbol | Sep 05 2014

Apple announced today that it would release its latest status symbol in the next month. Tim Cook, the company’s CEO, described the product’s innovative exclusivity in detail at a press conference this morning. “We are extremely proud to reach this milestone in cutting edge technology,” said Cook, emphasizing the new product’s status-affirming, all-the-cool-kids-have-it design.

Report: 93% Of Americans Would Buy Something Called A ‘Cheesy Crispini,’ No Questions Asked | Sep 05 2014

A report put out by the Journal of Consumer Research concluded that a majority of Americans would buy something called a ‘Cheesy Crispini’ on the spot and without knowing anything else about the product. Authors of the report noted that most of the study’s participants immediately pulled out their wallet upon hearing the phrase ‘cheesy crispini,’ while 48% of consumers had made up their mind after the word ‘cheesy’ was uttered.

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