Mike's articles
Sources confirmed that Joe “Mr. Winkles” Bailey, professional clown, seemed to be the only person who was not having any fun at Danny Denbrough’s eighth birthday party on Saturday.
“I guess I just would have felt better about the whole thing if I had been able to get a stronger response out of Danny—say a little bit of, oh I don’t know, crying or something,” said Bailey, as he pantomimed a clinically dangerous amount of tears coming from his eyes.
The discovery that all 1,500 incoming students are named Aaron shocked the Brown community, many of whose members now doubt the fairness of the admissions process.
“The entire thing is pretty fishy,” said rejected applicant Rachel Lewis. “I don’t know if this is a case of serious nepotism or if somebody lost a bet or what, but statistically stuff like this doesn’t just happen.”
“I’d hate to think that they just picked the first 1,500 names on their list,” said Aaron Aardon ’15.
The recent murder of Charles Webelo has sent the local community into a state of eco-outrage. Barry Partridge, confirmed perpetrator of the crime, was apprehended by authorities last Thursday afternoon at his home on Gano Street.
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