Raymond's articles
In a surprise move, Santa Claus has announced that the North Pole will officially stop giving coal to naughty children starting with the 2022 holiday season.
"We at the North Pole take the ongoing climate crisis extremely seriously," said Santa Claus in a stirring speech, "and we vow to cut our carbon emissions by supplying children on the naughty list renewable, sustainable sources of energy like solar panels rather than coal."
The Santa Claus regime has long been a target of criticism by climate activists, which has long maintained that their extensive carbon emissions were a price worth paying in order to "ensure the longevity and continued prosperity of the Christmas Spirit." Mr.
Despite Rhode Island’s heavy investment in water treatment facilities, cheap, plastic Brita Filters remain the only thing standing between students and a catastrophic wave of dysentery.
“I bought one since everyone said I should,” said freshman Aiden Tivoli, blissfully unaware of the dysentery, cholera, blue shadow virus, and lead plaguing Providence’s water pipes.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
