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The Brown Noser

Walter Kikuchi

Writer (Retired)

Walter's articles

Group Leader Really Trying To Make It Seem Like More Than One Person Showed Up In Email | Apr 29 2016

Late Thursday night, ChunFei Ma ’15, President of Brown Student Composers Guild, sent out an email to the group’s 58-person listserv in an effort to make it seem like more than one member showed up at the last meeting. “Thanks everyone who came to the meeting!” the email began.

Archeologists Discover Stonehenge Lifted By People Putting Their Legs Into It | Apr 29 2016

The mystery of Stonehenge has finally been revealed, with archeologists from the University of Edinburgh reporting that it was built by people putting their legs into it. After decades of theories ranging from the use of logs to alien invasion, scientists have proven once and for all that the heavy blocks of stone were moved by people not being pansies, bending at the knees, and lifting with their goddamn legs.

Scientists Discover Fog Actually Ghost Rave | Mar 11 2016

In a new study conducted at the University of Maine, researchers have discovered the cloudy, mysterious phenomenon of fog is actually hundreds of ghosts raving where a destroyed warehouse used to stand. Through electromagnetic sensors, scientists at UMaine noticed ghost LED gloves, ghost LED hula-hoops, and ghost lasers that have only one possible explanation: a ghost rave.

Allies Host Ally Award Ceremony | Mar 11 2016

In order to relieve the burden of celebrating allies for their contributions and accomplishments, a grassroots collective of allies is hosting an award ceremony to honor the tireless efforts of allies. “We recognize it’s been a tough year for many allies, and we feel it’s important to take a moment and acknowledge the hard work allies have done,” said Spencer Smythe ‘16, one member of the collective.