The Brown Noser

Arts & Culture (May 12 2023 issue)

The Simpsons Somehow Perfectly Predicts New Season Of The Simpsons | May 12 2023

As viewers comb through the newest season of “The Simpsons,” they’re beginning to realize that the writers somehow perfectly predicted how the new season was going to look. “They predicted the Housing Crash, the Trump Administration, even how my dog was gonna die, but this was unprecedented,” said Simpsons superfan Jeff Jensen, even though The Simpsons has predicted its own content for the past 35 years.

Timothee Chalamet Playing Cigarette Boy Again | May 12 2023

Sources report that Timothee Chalamet is taking on a new role of mysterious cigarette boy in recently released coming-of-age film “The Winds Over Mary’s House.” “I feel like this role really challenged me as an actor, pushing me to dig deeply into a whole new side of myself,” shared Chalamet, who portrays Spike, Mary’s angsty, Marlboro-smoking crush.

Disney Channel Protagonist Declares Inevitability of Barf After Parents Share Single, Chaste Kiss | May 12 2023

In a stunning display of emotional immaturity, Maisie McDoogle, the tween protagonist of the hit Disney show, “Maisie Makes Waves”, proclaimed that she was “totally gonna barf chunks” after her mother and father shared a tight lipped, millisecond long kiss.

Theater Choreographer Has Clearly Never Seen Real Fight | May 12 2023

It is becoming increasingly obvious to audiences that theater choreographer Grace Patton has never seen a real fight. “At first I thought the dance-fighting was supposed to be symbolic,” explained audience member Harry Lin as the actors gestured painedly toward one another from a safe distance.

Classmate’s Summer Internship Too Good To Not Be Nepotism | May 12 2023