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The Brown Noser

Classmate’s Summer Internship Too Good To Not Be Nepotism

Published Friday, May 12th, 2023

Sources report that a classmate’s summer internship is way too good to not be nepotism.

“There is absolutely no way Preston landed that internship on his own merit,” divulged first-year Charles Perez, enviously staring at his classmate’s LinkedIn post announcing his summer internship at McKinsey & Company. “I mean, come on – Preston’s attic has always been a little bit dusty, if you know what I’m saying. The dude failed Rocks for Jocks last semester, and I’m just supposed to believe that McKinsey recruiters saw something in him?”

“I’d bet a million dollars his dad works at McKinsey,” continued Perez, fiercely scavenging the internet for any information out there on Preston’s parents’ occupations. “Preston just doesn’t work hard. I have only spotted him in the library once, and that was for the Naked Donut Run. Besides, everything about him just radiates nepotism: his wardrobe, his character, everything. It’s the only rational explanation for why an empty-headed first-year with zero consulting experience could land such an amazing summer position.”

At press time, Preston’s dumb little brother’s early acceptance to Harvard was too mind-blowing to not be the result of legacy status.

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