The Brown Noser

Opinion (Dec 03 2021 issue)

Well If It Isn’t — Ida, Cancel My 3 O’clock, An Old Friend’s Come To Visit | Dec 03 2021

Listen here, Charlie, why don’t you take the week off, rest up a little, eh? Say, hold a moment, would ya Charlie? I got to hang up the telephone, someone’s knockin’ on my door. Come in. Use the door, that’s why it’s there. Well if it isn’t — Ida, cancel my 3 o’clock, an old friend’s come to visit.

I Can't Remember Any Of Your Likes Or Interests, So Here's A Fat Stack Of Cash by Great Aunt Helen | Dec 03 2021

Dear Aiden, Oh wait, it’s Aaron, not Aiden. Senior moment! How are you, sweetie? I wouldn’t know, because you haven’t come to visit me in three years. Well, honey, you’re getting a big fat stack of cash for the holidays because I have absolutely no clue what you like anymore.

POINT: Book Culture Must Be Salvaged by Raymond Smathers, PhD / COUNTERPOINT: Books Are For Eating. Have You Guys Not Been Eating The Books? by Nicholas Book, Inventor of the Book | Dec 03 2021

Point: Book Culture Must Be Salvaged by Raymond Smathers, PhD Academia is in crisis. Our libraries are crumbling, disciplines like history, English, and the classics face extinction, and books spend most of their lives collecting dust. In the face of an increasingly digital world, it’s imperative that our academic institutions uphold the remnants of book culture.

She Has A Name, Mother. It's Zabina. And We're Running Away Together | Dec 03 2021

Mother? Mother? It’s me, Thomas. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. It’s just – Mother. Mother, please let me speak. I’m not raising my voice Mother, I – if you would open your ears and listen to me, you would hear what I’m trying to say which is this: I’m leaving, Mother.

What Time Is It There Again? by Your Mom In Central Time Zone | Dec 03 2021