The Brown Noser

Opinion (Feb 07 2025 issue)

That Deer Has Several Things Wrong With It By Man Observing A Kangaroo For The First Time | Feb 07 2025

Okay. I’ve seen a few deers in my day, and I have to say that this one is definitely not a chip off the old block. Definitely, this deer that I am viewing in front of me right now has several atypical features. To put my perturbation into context, some of the most notable characteristics of your typical deer are that it has four feet, no toes, and a pretty weak chest.

The BDH Will Not Succumb To The Corrosive Influence of Big Money In Journalism. That Is Because Nobody Has Offered Us Any Money. By BDH Editorial Board | Feb 07 2025

Dear Reader, In these divisive times, we here at the Brown Daily Herald understand the importance of journalistic integrity. We are outraged by the state of mainstream media, which has eagerly kowtowed to the authority of oligarchs. We are perturbed by the way special interests have eroded impartial reporting.

Mmbrgembm Mmbregamrn Mnenammrgnmmnn By Commuter Rail Announcement | Feb 07 2025

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Anon, Brave Senior, Thy Post-Grad Plans Call Thee To Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Heed This Call! By Prophet | Feb 07 2025

Hail, almost-learned one, for I bear tidings of a great and fortuitous future that awaits thee after that blessed day of thy graduation. The locus of thy potential lies not in Boston, nor in New York, nor even in Los Angeles. No, no, calm thine uncertain mind, for I speak of a promised land far more prosperous than these.

POINT: Hey Guys Let's Go To My Dorm For Pregame/ COUNTERPOINT: Come To Brazil, Brazil Needs You Here | Feb 07 2025

POINT: Hey Guys Let's Go To My Dorm For Pregame by Jake Hey guys. Can we do my place tonight? I shoulder tapped some Twisted Tea this morning so no need to bring anything. You guys can venmo if you want but genuinely no worries. I say we all pull up to mine at nine, we get white girl wasted and play drinking games and get drunk and get sloshed.

Brunonian Voices: Valentine’s Day is right around the corner! How will you be celebrating this day of love and romance? | Feb 07 2025

I Love You And I’m Proud Of You By Father | Feb 07 2025

My dearest child, I just wanted to let you know that I love you with all of my heart and that I am so proud of everything you have accomplished and become. You are so beautiful, inside and out, and every time I look at your freckled face, I feel a wonderful warmth in my heart.