The Brown Noser

Oh, Are You Reading That Dostoevsky Novel For Fun? | Apr 27 2011

Hey! Where are you coming from? The Rock? Me too! Don't you just love sitting in the library stacks, poring over every ancient volume, savoring the musty smell of the pages? Oh, you were studying for a killer history test? Well, the library's good for that too, I suppose.

POINT: Naked Parties Open Our Minds to an Edenic World Free of Social Constraints! by Stacy Hocks | Apr 27 2011

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I Am Undefeated at Drinking Games | Apr 27 2011

Arise, you fools. It's 4 o'clock on Thursday already, which I shouldn't need to remind you means that it is time to party. Come now, stop clutching at your heads and get yourselves some coffee. You have another long night of drinking games ahead of you. Don't tell me you're hungover.

Wait, Africa is More than One Country? | Apr 27 2011

You're shitting me. Since when has Africa been more than one country? Why has no one pointed this out to me before? I just kind of assumed the whole continent was one country run by lions and a baboon who sings. My mind is literally blown. I guess I never really took the time to look at a map.

The Future is Movable Type | Apr 27 2011

Newspapers today are in dire straits. Circulation is dwindling, profits are plummeting and tumult besets us, the proud bulwarks of honest reportage, on all sides. Through it all we have continued to uphold the integrity with which our forebears began this paper, to bring the news as accurately as possible to as many as possible.

Is Steve Jobs Making Horcruxes Out of New Verizon iPhones? Whoa, Who Said That?? | Apr 27 2011

Good morning, guests of the 2011 Innovation and Technology Conference here in beautiful Miami, Florida. My name is Randall Stephenson, and I'm the CEO of AT&T. Now I know what some of you are thinking: "I bet he's peeing his $10,000 limited-edition Armani pants right now, what with the recent release of the new Verizon iPhones.

Did You Bitches Miss Me? | Apr 27 2011

Happy springtime, you motherfuckers. That's right, your favorite four-legged bovine is back to eat all the grass on Wriston, one Wednesday at a time. So how was your winter? Midterms, huh? That sucks. Want to know what I was doing? Oh, not much, just every steer and bull in Rhode Island.

Opinion (Apr 27 2011 issue)