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The Brown Noser

Opinion (Nov 02 2012 issue)

It’s Not You, It’s This Breakup Song I Need to Write | Nov 02 2012

Hannah, babe, don’t look at me that way. You know it kills me when you look at me that way. We’ve been over this before, and we both knew this day had to come. I just want to make sure we’re clear, though—it’s not you, it’s this breakup song I need to write.

POINT: Racism is Bad / COUNTERPOINT: Come On, You Guys, Don't Make Me Write This | Nov 02 2012

*POINT: Racism is Bad by Anthony Williams* Historically, racial minorities have endured horribly unjust discrimination, both directly though the legal system and through more unspoken social practices. While it’s true that much of this de jure racism has been eradicated since the civil rights movement of the ‘60s, much of the de facto racism is still present.

This Tragic Fire Might Have Been Averted If All the Walls Were Chalkboards, by Ed Vittles, Chalkboard Salesman | Nov 02 2012

Sad, isn’t it? That beautiful building burning to the ground. And all those poor folks, standing in the cold night air after losing their homes in that dastardly fire. What a shame. See the grim look on their faces? That’s the look of someone who wishes they could have done something, the look of an emasculated man wanting to protect his family from crazy happenstances such as this.

The Customer Is Always | Nov 02 2012

Congratulations on getting this job! We're happy that you're joining our team here and we look forward to working with you to help improve our business by ensuring we provide the best possible shopping experience for our customers! Before you begin at your new position, we would just like to familiarize you with the most critical tenet of our customer service policy, our official customer service motto: "The Customer Is Always!" Unfortunately, many people take issue with this idea, at least at first.

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