The Brown Noser

Opinion (Nov 03 2017 issue)

Hey Folks We’re About To Hit Some Turbulence. SO GET UP OUT OF YOUR SEATS AND LET ME SEE YOU SHAKE WITH IT! | Nov 03 2017

Hey folks, we’re getting word from the pilot here that we’re about to hit some light turbulence. We will have to postpone the rest of the meal service. But we won’t be hitting the seatbelt light. BECAUSE WE WANT TO SEE YOU GET UP OUT OF YOUR SEATS AND SHAKE! The pilots are telling us this won’t last long.

Not Now, Barnaby, I’m Doing My Times Tables | Nov 03 2017

Halt Barnaby. Please come no further with your inquiry. Can you not see that I am knee deep in my times tables? You’ve come at an inopportune moment and I must ask you to leave. Oh fie, you have not left, Barnaby! Yes, I do quite understand you have arranged a nice ball and stick match for us outside, but I have more pressing matters to attend to.

I Like Your Moxie, Kid. Let’s See It Again From The Shuffle Step. A Five, Six, Seven, Eight… | Nov 03 2017

I haven’t found many kids your age who can keep up with my steps like that. You’re far from technically perfect but you do got heart, kid. I like your moxie. This is gonna be a long day of rehearsal but you might just make it out alive. Let’s see it from the shuffle step.

You Should Sit Down Sir, There's Been A Terrible Fire At The Mill And We Think Martha Was Inside. | Nov 03 2017

Excuse me, Mr. Jackson? Oh no, I wouldn’t like any coffee but thank you for offering. Well, sir, I actually came here to tell you some news and I think you should sit down. You see, there’s been a terrible fire at the mill. The whole place is up in smoke.

Ten Thousand Bears Surrounded My Car. Did I Panic? Not A Chance. | Nov 03 2017

There I was: in the middle of the bear den. Key in the ignition, but nowhere to go. Ten thousand bears had surrounded my car, and I couldn’t even see out the window. It was all just one amorphous mass of fur. They must have caught my scent. At that point, I knew the odds weren’t in my favor.

The Army Is At The Gates, Lord Swanth. Dondleboose Will Fall But We Can At Least Go Out Fighting. | Nov 03 2017

Lord Swanth, the hordes have drawn far closer than the messengers had predicted. Our ramparts on the plains of Monjoor proved comically useless against their war-beasts and they’re at the shining gates of our fair city. Though we’re pouring hot tar over the city walls, our reserves are running out and the horde has already slain half of our Oil Marshals.