Immediately upon opening her laptop Wednesday in class, Madison Bernard ‘26 reported her computer is clearly out of shape since it’s breathing real hard right now.
“My computer has been huffing and puffing its ass off since the moment I opened Safari,” said Bernard as the computer’s pathetic endurance disrupted the entirety of her sociology lecture.
Soil scientists from the US Department of Agriculture are pleased to announce that it is probably in most places.
“We’ve had the privilege to use the decades-long research of our predecessors as a springboard for this groundbreaking thesis. Literally ground breaking! Boy, do we love breaking ground,” said Dr.
A former Raytheon employee known for raising concerns about the ethicality of the firm’s business has been found dead from a self-inflicted drone strike.
“Tragically, it appears John Greenberg decided to take his own life with a precision-guided strike,” said Carl Chase, lead investigator on the case.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
