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The Brown Noser

Science & Technology (Nov 01 2024 issue)

Bored NASA Releases 36,000 Trout Into Outer Space | Nov 01 2024

Reports from Cape Canaveral indicated that NASA has released 36,000 trout into outer space. “Yeah, and why the hell not?” said Stanley Garland, Chief Engineer of the mission. “We were basically just sitting around, brainstorming some ideas, and then we decided to send a lot of fish to space.

Report: Scientists Flummoxed By Disparity Between Ideal Conditions For Crowdsurfing Versus Actualsurfing | Nov 01 2024

Recent studies have left scientists flummoxed regarding the variance in ideal conditions between crowdsurfing and actualsurfing. “The results are truly flummoxing,” said Dr. Petra Vaughn, lead researcher at the globally-renowned Institute for Surf-Related Activities, who has been hornswoggled by this conundrum.

Man Interviewed After Alien Abduction Way Too Neutral About Experience Not To Have Liked Being Probed | Nov 01 2024

After Mr. Isaac Moffat was safely returned from a verified alien abduction last Tuesday, it became clear to reporters that his hard lack of opinion on the event meant that he definitely got probed and undoubtedly enjoyed it very much. “Well, I think everyone is eager to hear that I had a really good time up there, but the truth is that I have absolutely no opinion on the experience at all,” said Moffat in a way which he believed to be tactically concealing.

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