Partly Cloudy, 64°
Recent studies have left scientists flummoxed regarding the variance in ideal conditions between crowdsurfing and actualsurfing.
“The results are truly flummoxing,” said Dr. Petra Vaughn, lead researcher at the globally-renowned Institute for Surf-Related Activities, who has been hornswoggled by this conundrum. “On one hand, you have crowdsurfing, which requires a sort of fleshy base for the surfer to optimize their experience. But on the other hand, you have actualsurfing, where flesh is not a relevant factor whatsoever!”
“And of course, there is the issue of the surfboard, which was rarely observed to be necessary for catching totally tubular surf on crowds,” continued Dr. Vaughn, shaking her head in disbelief to accentuate the extent of her befuddled-ness. “But if you don’t have a surfboard for actualsurfing, you are several times more likely to experience a surf-related accident.”
“I just wish we could understand where these differences came from,” added Dr. Vaughn, still nonplussed by the complex nature of this disparity. “Until then, surfers everywhere should be cautious.”
At press time, scientists were discombobulated by the distinction between ketchup and catsup.
