Matt's articles
Multiple sources have confirmed that campfire attendee, Theo Kilbridge, thinks you might want to throw another log on there. “It’s getting kinda low,” noted Kilbridge right before he held up his hands to the fire to feel the warmth. “The perfect marshmallow sticks are the ones that are pointy and long so you don’t burn yourself. Wow, we sure made a great fire!” At press time Kilbridge suggested that someone should “probably pour some water on it to make sure it’s really out.”
Sources report that hostage, Charlie Kanter, attempted to let his captors know about his sensitivity to gluten as soon as possible so as not to inconvenience them.
“Anything with wheat, rye, barley, or malt really upsets my stomach,” Kanter explained to his captors as they drove him to the secure location where they would keep him until his ransom was paid.
Several reports have indicated that local garbage man, Jeremy Garfield, has been unable to relax or ignore work while on vacation with his family in Hawaii. According to his family, Garfield has pulled the car over at every house, turned on the hazard lights and waited for one of his children to get out of the car and pretend they are dumping the trash cans from the curb into the back of the car.
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