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Physicists have confirmed that your quantum-obsessed acquaintance was in a superposition of friend and not-friend.
“It’s scientifically impossible to tell if he is your friend or not until we have a direct observation,” said Nobel Prize winner Anton Zeilinger, an entanglement expert. “But every time we ask him, he changes the subject and drones on and on about qubits and wave interference. He’s really quite a bore, and not the type physicists use to detect neutrinos—those don’t seem to want anything to do with him either. Frankly, I don’t even know why you haven’t broken your entanglement with him and collapsed the superposition once and for all.”
It is hypothesized that due to the sheer certainty of his tired, obnoxious, and unenlightening speech, Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle prevents any other properties of your acquaintance from being determined with any measure of confidence, such as your friendship status with him.
“While the superposition of your acquaintance’s friendship could be of great importance to the study of quantum mechanics and the advancement of quantum computing,” noted quantum physicist Rainer Blatt, who recently acquired relativity consciousness. “None of us can bear to stick around him for more than a couple minutes before his inane claptrap about quantum-enhanced machine learning and BQP-complete problems drives us up a wall.”
“It is remarkable how consistently he pontificates about things on the same axis over and over again, no matter from what frame of reference you look at it,” Rainer added, understanding that the coherence of Bell’s Theorem might be quanta. “I was even considering using him as a case study for a new theory of eigendrivel before I realized the amount of listening to him that would entail. I confess that he sometimes makes me want to run a double-slit experiment in his throat.”
At press time, your acquaintance reportedly said that he would respond only if his Geiger counter detected an alpha particle from a source of radiation.
