Thursday, July 27, 2017
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The Brown Noser

Sol Kim

Writer

Sol's articles

Third Grader Ending Wild Story With “And Then I Woke Up From My Dream” Thinks He’s Really Fucking Original | Apr 21 2017

Proudly closing his composition book, local third grader Spencer Maynard reportedly considered himself really fucking unique for ending his preposterous narrative with the phrase “And then I woke up from my dream.” “I bet no one’s ever thought of this one before,” boasted the eight-year-old, whose fantastic tale of defeating dragons and getting eaten by an ogre was concluded with an ending he thought so goddamn novel he decided he would put “author” as his dream job on his student-of-the-month poster.

“That’s It,” Announces Man After Ordering Half Of Menu | Apr 21 2017

Still staring at the display wondering if he should tack on an additional onion ring volcano, local 46-year-old Robert Larson announced, “And that’s it!” after ordering half the menu. “Boneless buffalo wings, mozz sticks, cheesy bacon tavern chips, three Santa Fe chicken salads, Madeira steak tips, the whole ‘Neighborhood Favorites’ section, honey grilled salmon, honey BBQ baby backs, and those two cokes should probably be enough,” reflected the Applebees patron thoughtfully, studying the trifold list with care one last time while taking out his card.

Hatter Slightly Miffed | Mar 17 2017

Sighing daintily, local hatter Milton Presterly was reported to be slightly miffed Sunday morning. “Only those who are uncultured are unable to tether one’s emotions,” scoffed Presterly, lifting his exquisite handkerchief to pat at his temples.