Partly Cloudy, 64°
20 Brown seniors will spend the next two years of their post-graduate life working with Teach for Self Promotion, a program that strives to eliminate educational inequality by allowing participants to impress employers with their extensive charity work.
“We took two years out of our busy lives to teach children in low income communities because we really wanted to make a difference in the underperforming areas of this great nation,” stated Sarah Flannigan ’12, “First and foremost, our resumes.”
Teach for Self Promotion was founded in 1989 to allow well-educated students to go into inner-city schools and fundamentally make themselves look more impressive around their parents’ corporate connections. Alumni of the program unanimously praise the experience and would like to connect with you on LinkedIn.
“You just never forget the faces of those kids, with those big eyes just yearning to learn, regardless of their circumstance,” said Jacob Stafford ’10, reminiscing about his time with the program at a recruiting dinner.
“I carry pictures of them with me everywhere in my wallet," he added. "Sir, doesn’t this photo of a small boy whose life I changed make you want to hire me immediately?”
“I’ll never forget how I spent all day teaching this one underperforming student of mine how to add fractions,” stated Joseph Christiano ’11, talking to a recruiter at a career fair. “He was having the toughest time, but when he finally got it he touched my hand, looked me in the eye and said, ‘Mr. Christiano, you are my hero. It is well-educated and selfless teachers like you who deserve to get jobs at top investment firms someday soon. I will never forget your brilliance and modesty.’”
“Right, Greg? Those exact words?” He added, gesturing to a small boy in a school uniform. “Oh, what a coincidence! I had completely forgotten that I’d brought my entire class on a field trip to a career fair. Remember, I taught each of these children how to read instead of acting like the rest of my selfish generation.”
Due to the current state of the economy, employers are becoming more attuned to applicants’ charitable work, such as working overtime in understaffed schools in order to mention that they have experience working overtime in understaffed schools.
“This candidate has had 10 of years of professional applied math experience and has a Ph.D. in computer science,” said Investment Firm Recruiter Derek Yang, holding a stack of resumes in his hand, “But this history major has a year of ‘singlehandedly rebuilding America’ under his belt. For all intents and purposes, coding and math knowledge are trivial in this field if you’ve essentially saved humankind."
For qualified candidates beat out by Teach for Self Promotion alumni, recruiters like Yang suggest not taking rejection lying down.
“It’s not likely you’ll be hired in this day and age unless your resume evokes tear-jerking flashbacks of movies starring an inspirational teacher who changes the lives of troubled teens in low-income high schools,” he stated, handing a stack of resumes back to a professor. “And if you don’t get that experience from Teach for Self Promotion, I’d suggest you at least sign up part time at Habitat for Self Promotion or the Make a Self-Promoting Wish Foundation.”
